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So Ralph, you are back! What have you been up to? Why has it been so long?
Well, I have been in the USA trying to start my own 'celebrity' religion. It was good to start off with, I had a few dedicated followers, mainly celebrity pets. I figured if I could get the pets on board then the owners would follow. Unfortunately the strict rules about ham and regular pouches of Felix cat food meant most celeb types just couldn't handle the weight gain so had to turn back to Scientology.
Well I suppose it was worth a try! I hear you got quite friendly with a certain queen of pop whilst you were away...
Yes Britney! I LOVE her, poor thing she has had a lot of flack recently and it is not fair I happen to have a very fluctuating waist line and I would hate it if everyone scrutinised my every move. I would have to give up ham for starters which would be devastating. Anyway we are besties now, she even asked me to pose for a Ralph print zippy she was having made.
Wow that must have been great! It does look a lot like you actually. I am sure it was worth the near starvation to be immortalised in sweat-shirting.
Yes it was! I got Heidi to make me my very own 'trash princess' personalised cardi to wear in tribute to Britney. This is a miniature Ralph sized version of the new ones appearing on heidiseeker.com in the next week or so. I wear it all the time and always get loads of compliments.
It does look AWESOME Ralph! So any other celebrity news?
Yes I have been keeping quiet about this but I feel I need to speak out! I happen to know that two awesome hit artists are not entirely what they seem. Next time you are at a festival have a look underneath Kate Nash's keyboard. You may see my good friend Nasher. Nasher plays all of the songs and sings when Kate forgets her words. I am only speaking out because I heard Kate had cut down Nasher's after-show sitting on knee and getting cuddles time because he kept making holes in her gorgeous vintage frocks. poor Nasher, he needs cuddles or he gets very low self esteem.
I also needed to mention my other feline pal, Muffy. She is the real talent behind indie songstress, Duffy. Duffy doesn't really like singing very much and prefers frolicking about on freezing welsh beaches. So whilst she ropes unsuspecting passers by into playing frisbee with her and looking windswept and gorgeous my friend Muffy toils away. She is the voice behind Duffy and recorded her whole album in secret. Due to legal paperwork she cannot officially disclose what she was paid but I happen to know she didn't get the requested gourmet kitbits and had to make do with cockles Duffy found on the beach. If she had agreed to let me manage her it would never have happened.
Crikey Ralph! I had no idea.
Yes it goes on a lot more than you would have thought. I happen to have laid down a few tracks for Beyonce in my early days. It was totally worth it as she gave me loads of cuddles and let me play with her dangle earrings.
Well thanks for sharing all your latest news with us Ralph, please don't leave it so long to come back next time, we missed you!
Heidi | 1:04 PM | Comments (7)
Well Hi Ralph! It has been a while since you last contributed to the HS blog, what have you been up to?
"Oh sorry, one moment." (stops to lick his paw) "I thought I had trodden in something sticky but on closer inspection its the label from my Jimmy Choos digging in. I must get Heidi to cut it off." (He continues to fuss with his shoe for several minutes...) "Yes it has been a while and I have been far too busy being a fashion icon to agree to an interview."
Oh, well thanks for taking time out of your hectic schedule to talk to us again.
"Thats OK, my 12 o'clock with Girls Aloud was cancelled because of some kind of mud fight. They wanted me to help them with their Autumn look - if it's anything like last year it will just be a constant battle to get them into something other than giant acorn and leaf outfits. I nearly scratched Cheryl last time..." (sighs) "Honestly she just won't hear reason that girl. To be perfectly blunt I have had it up to here with celeb types. Especially Victoria Beckham."
Oh dear what happened? You used to get on didn't you?
"Well first she begs me to be her LA stylist and I politely declined... I am frightened of roads and LA is full of them, besides I am not sure I can open the office door without help. So, Instead of hiring my LA associate, Boris - William Shatner's pet gibbon - she takes it upon herself to just try and look like me. I know imitation is the highest form of flattery but it is just too much. Quite frankly she just doesn't have the weight on her to pull it off."
Hmm, yes it is hard dealing with a copycat. I suppose you just have to rise above it.
"Well it is easier said than done, she is just blatantly copying me right down to the blonde hair and sunglasses. When I heard she had hired LA's finest plastic surgeon to attach pointy ears I knew she had gone too far. I hope somebody can help her develop her own personal style before it ruins her career."
Moving on, can you tell us a little about the new goodies you have helped find for the Heidi Seeker site?
"Oh Yes! I am really into gold right now. Gold and neon are a great combination and can accompany a very sedate outfit as well as more outlandish attire. The giant gold boombox shopper is a must have! It is the perfect size for carrying me and if we go near roads Heidi can zip me into it with my iPod and I can listen to Arcade Fire until the traffic noise has stopped. I am also in love with the new 'Miami' bag. I oversaw the development of that every step of the way and made some very useful suggestions as to its decoration. It was my idea to put the unicorn on it, so it would go with my 'Lady Sparkle' necklace."
Tell us about 'Lady Sparkle' I hear she is making waves in the art world?
"Lady Sparkle is my alter ego. I dress up as her every Thursday night and do performance poetry. It's a mixture of rap and opera with some occasional violent gesturing and some references to old school break dancing. Lady Sparkle is a 1920's diva silent movie star, I always perform with a Russian accent and try and get as much audience participation as possible. I usually get a good reaction from the crowd, they come to the pub expecting quiz night so a cross dressing feline poet is often a lot for them to take in. Most nights the crowd is very receptive, it has become a tradition to throw fish at me instead of clapping. On a good night I can get up to five fish. Which is great as I am trying to eat low carb at the moment."
Well thanks Ralph, It's always a pleasure to talk to you. I think a slice of ham and a chin tickle are in order.
"That would be very nice, Thankyou."
Heidi | 11:04 AM | Comments (12)
Meet Ralph. He is a fashion Icon. He has been working for Heidi Seeker for just over a year now as a trend and style consultant. We rely on him to predict trends before they happen and keep us up to date with all the goings on in the fashion world. He is simply fabulous and despite being head hunted by several French fashion houses he has stuck with Heidi Seeker. We thought we would ask him to share some of his fashion and style wisdom.
So Ralph, thanks for speaking to us today. Tell us a little about yourself and how you came to be in house style adviser for HS.
Well I don't have any formal fashion training as I am only 3 but I don't think you need it. Being stylish is an art. When I wake up in the morning I know I look good. I look in the mirror and say ‘Ralph you are impeccable'. What I wear compliments my innate sense of self-belief. I love to try out new looks. Experimentation is key to being a fashion icon. I think this is how I find style advising so easy. I can't remember how I came to work for Heidi Seeker but I will never leave, as I am scared of roads.
You have helped a fair few celebrities in their quest to be more stylish. I know we cannot talk about that for privacy reasons but is their anybody you can mention?
Yes, I was consulted by one of the lovely Olsen twins for a style session. She had always admired the style of the cat lady from hit TV show 'The Simpsons'. Her people decided I was the ideal candidate being a cat myself. So I set to work teaming over-layering with a giant handbag and oversized jewellery. The results you will agree speak for themselves
Wow! The resemblance is uncanny. I bet its great working with celebs. Are there any celebrities whose style you really admire?
Oh yes. I love Beth Ditto from The Gossip, she has a great sense of style and is totally willing to go out on a limb to enhance her live performances. I also like the way Lily Allen mixes retro prom dresses with ghetto fabulous jewellery. I think the most stylish crowd surfer around is Lovefoxx from CSS. I love her and I bet she would tickle my chin if I asked her nicely.
So Ralph what is it like working at Heidi Seeker?
Well usually my day begins pawing through the pages of Hello magazine. I take note of any relevant gossip and prepare it for my morning report. I also have several sources in the style capitals of the world that I check in on twice a week. They tell me the key looks. I normally deliver my trend report around lunchtime in exchange for a slice of ham and a tummy tickle. I spend most of my afternoon on MySpace and YouTube seeking out new trends. On my days off I spend the whole day grooming and looking at myself in the mirror.
What Heidi Seeker products do you think will be must haves for Summer 2007?
Well I knew you were going to ask me that one so I asked Jon the technology superstar to compile me a lovely picture of all my top picks.
My favourite product of the moment is the Spotty Shoulder Tote. I adore polka dots and I love playing with all the jingly bits that dangle off it. It is also perfect Ralph size so I'm going to ask Hilary Alexander to carry me around fashion week in one so I can take in all the shows in style.
I also love the Swallow Pin, because I like watching birds. The Unicorn Pin is another fave of mine as I am founder member of the Feline Unicorn Appreciation Society.
The Vampire Lips Shades are simply wonderful, novelty sunglasses are a must have this summer.
I love my Personalised Cassette Necklace I wear it attached to my collar and because it is neon it means people on bikes can see me in the dark and not run me over.
The Neon Fun Charm Pack is brilliant because when Laura (Heidi Seeker designer) has them out on the desk I love knocking them on the floor in order to attract her attention.
Finally I have to say the King Ralph Purse (does it remind you of anybody??)
Well thanks Ralph! That has been most informative. I may have to give you a permanent column on 'Ask Heidi' where you can give style advice to everyone!
Heidi | 3:32 PM | Comments (13)
